How do I tell the person I love how I feel?

Dear Devony,

What advice would you give to someone who is having a hard time finding a way to tell the person they love their feelings? Probably a stupid question, but worth a shot to ask.

Hey hey! First off, this is not a stupid question in the slightest. In fact, it’s one that all of us have struggled to figure out at one time or another. I think the first move is actually deciding to tell them. It sounds like you are still unsure of whether you should take that big step. Once you fully commit to a decision though, the rest will be simple.

Now, since I don’t know the nature of your relationship, I’ll try to give some general feedback and questions you can ask yourself to get to the right conclusion for you! Feel free to message me again with some more detail though- it would be supremely helpful to know if you are already seeing this person romantically or trying to change the dynamic of a current friendship for example.

Truly though, there’s no one-size fits all answer for a lot of life’s big questions, just the right one for you!

“What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?”

Brené Brown

How does this person interact with you?

I think something a lot of people tend to miss is these little indicators. Does this person spend a lot of time with you? Do they reach out first to message or call you when you’ve spent some time apart? Typically, people will make an effort to go out of their way for those that mean the most to them.

Are you prepared for either outcome?

If you are not sure what will come from your revelation, you might be considering how it could change your relationship with this person. The biggest reason this pivotal moment can cause such feelings of vulnerability is not knowing how the other person feels or will react. It can be scary to put yourself out there and say something so heartfelt and open without being sure if it will be reciprocated.

And those feelings are totally valid! But personally, I always say go big or go home. 😎 The worst that can happen is that you have spoken your truth and, either way, there is more love out there in the world.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

Brené Brown

TLDR: Tell Them!

Regardless though, if you truly love them, you won’t feel settled until you say something. It will be on your mind and affect your interactions with them regardless, so why not be wholly honest? If you are close enough to feel such genuine and strong emotions, you probably owe it to the both of you to be straight up.

But bear in mind, telling someone you love them should be a selfless act. Do not expect or demand a response right away. Just be open and share what you are feeling in that moment and how important this person is in your life. If they feel the same, they will tell you.

They may just need some time to process (this is especially true if you are not already engaged in some kind of sexual or romantic relationship). Big confessions out of nowhere can throw people off or make them uncomfortable. As hard as it may be, try NOT to make this about you.

Ultimately, if you love someone you want them to be happy regardless. And YOU deserve that same happiness!

If they’re not the one for you, it’s better to know that for sure so you both can move on. Otherwise you will always wonder, what if? Either way, I promise you will survive. 😉 Fortune favors the bold.

Still not so sure?

Brené Brown is one author I encourage everyone to read that is working to get through those vulnerable, insecure feelings and learn to dare greatly! She has a ton of books and a TED talk addressing how to conquer your fears and live life to the fullest. Her Netflix special, Call to Courage, is also a quick way to get a feel for her if you aren’t a big reader.

In particular, her book Daring Greatly would be a great one to start with! She begins by quoting a famous Teddy Roosevelt speech, ‘The Man in the Arena,’ that has inspired me repeatedly to act with courage even in the face of great adversity. Because as he says: the man that swings big, “at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.“

Sending all the best vibes to you both on this journey!! You got this.  ❤

Love and hugs,

Devony

Want to submit a question to Dear Devony?

If you (or anyone else!) has more questions for this column, please reach me on our Contact Page ! I am always so thrilled to see messages from you guys. 🥰

***All submissions will remain anonymous and we will never share or disclose your personal information.

Recommended Reading:

Daring Greatly by: Brené Brown

Grab a copy from my Bookshop page to financially support local, independent book stores!